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It Isn’t Always Perfect

As much as I sing the praises of being an American in Paris, there are some downsides that can’t be denied. An expat’s life can feel like a juggling act where too many balls are aloft. No matter how adept you are at keeping objects balanced in the air, something ultimately comes crashing down, causing other parts of your life to come to a halt.

Organization skills and the ability to be flexible are essential. But no matter how hard you try and how high you jump, there are invariably moments of guilt. Why didn’t I do this rather than that? I’ve named it the “washing machine” syndrome, where your thoughts and theories are bounced back and forth, before they go through the spin cycle.

Conversations, most especially among today’s generation of baby-boomers, change after living abroad for a certain period of time.  Rather than talking about work, politics or whatever, an increasing number of discussions center on aging parents, children and grandchildren. As soon as you feel that one set of challenges are under control, there invariably going to be other pressing issues confronting someone near the 60’s (age) range. Welcome to the sandwich generation.

Trips “home” to attend to family business become increasingly frequent. Anticipate being confronted by elderly parents and all of the realities of aging. Some parents develop physical problems while others fail mentally and are no longer competent to function independently. One parent may die leaving the spouse extremely vulnerable. Whichever, they require extra help and attention, and unless you have a lot of family support, life can feel like a roller-coaster filled with crises.

Expats who have siblings living near parents are blessed. Long gone are the days of nuclear families where numerous generations live in the same house and/or neighborhood – much less town. It’s interesting that because so many of China’s educated youth are moving to cities to make their fortunes, parents and grandparents are left to fend for themselves. Their society has developed an interesting and feasible way of coping. The community’s “younger” (meaning 60ish) care for the elder members by cooking, cleaning, spending time and generally caring for these people, who are neighbors rather than immediate family. For each hour devoted to being a caregiver of these charges, they are acquiring an hour in the bank when it’s time for others to care for them.

Many people feel it’s a better solution than being placed in a retirement home away from familiar surroundings and faces. Plus, some facilities are clearly better than others.

It’s not only parents about whom expatriates worry; it’s also children. We cannot live their lives, but at times not being in daily contact takes a toll. I wouldn’t consider living anyplace where I couldn’t have a high speed modem connect and an IP phone. It’s such a luxury to call family and friends if only to talk about the weather.

I’m writing this article from Washington, DC. My second granddaughter was born Monday morning at 5 a.m. Not being within holding distance would be a great loss I couldn’t endure. I wanted to see my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter’s eyes welcoming this new family member. She’ll become an integral part of my life and family history, as the three of them already are. But it goes without saying that  I’ll be lobbying to bring the four of them to France. It’ll even be my pleasure to cash in miles to redeem transatlantic tickets – may they be obtainable. But, that’s another story.

© Karen Fawcett